Hi there 👋
Welcome to my little slice of the Internet! I plan to chat about my version of self care, conscious living, and finding joy. Life has gifted me a few lemons (yes, gifted!) and I’ve learned that when I say yes to myself and what I need, live consciously and thoughtfully, and focus on finding my joy in all situations (in my own time, of course), I tend to be my happiest self and find my natural groove.
I’ve been tossing the idea around my mind to start a blog for literally years, and alas, here I am. As with most things in my life, it just took me diving in and getting over myself to get this show on the road. You see, I have a tendency of second guessing myself and my decisions, and letting fear get in the way of taking next steps in my life.
Even as a child, I was cautious, timid, and unsure of myself; always convincing myself I was fine with the status quo, and needed to protect and insulate myself from failure or risk. When I was learning to walk, for example, my parents got me a cute little shopping cart that instantly became my crutch. I refused to let go of the shopping cart until I was absolutely, 100% certain I could walk without falling. Even though every clue pointed to me having the ability to walk, I had to make my mind up first that I would be safe. Eventually I built up the courage, but it took me doubting myself for far too long before I took that first step. Later on, when I learned how to ride a bike I actually ran the training wheels ragged, rendering them useless. (I was technically riding without training wheels for weeks.) It was never really about my physical ability to ride a bike without training wheels, but rather my ability to trust myself.
In both scenarios, walking and biking, once I took the leap I was absolutely ELATED and would then push the limits of what I could do. But first, I needed to believe I would be safe and that something would catch me if I failed.
But here’s the thing – something doesn’t always catch you. Last week I was listening to a podcast I discovered recently, “Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert” (go check it out now if you haven’t already, it’s amazing!!) and one particular episode (208: Leap Into the Fire) touches this exact topic. Elizabeth Gilbert and Martha Beck (Oprah’s life coach, people!) discuss how they both would love to abolish the saying “jump and the net will catch you”, because the reality is that sometimes nothing catches you. And, most of the time, the fear of the jump is ultimately worse than the jump itself. Martha Beck is giving advice to a young girl Elizabeth Gilbert is mentoring, and says:
“If she really wants to avoid getting hurt, then she’s come to the wrong planet… there’s no way to avoid pain, but you can become very, very resilient.” – Martha Beck
Ultimately, what I’ve always struggled with is listening to my own inner voice and trusting my gut that I’ll be okay, even if/when I do fall. It took my life absolutely being shaken to the core a few years ago, where I had zero control over the outcome, to finally recognize that failure only has wonderful things to show you. Failure is just information about what decision you should make next, or how to tweak things to improve for next time. Ultimately, everything is just information for you. Plus, now that I’ve fallen too many times to count, I know that what happens after the unexpected fall has way better results than what I had originally planned anyway.
Don’t get me wrong, the learning and growing part doesn’t come immediately after a failure, it’s all a process. After any failure, you best believe I’m crying on the phone to my mom, or snuggled up in bed getting comforted by my dog, or getting a pep talk from my boyfriend. That’s a necessary (and human!) part of the process. But then it gets so, so good. The process of learning to take leaps has helped me in my journey of finding self love.
So, getting to the point here…
I’ve painted this picture to say… I’ve had lots of fears with starting a blog – that no one would read it, that I would get bored of it and stop writing and be a disappointment, that someone’s mean comments toward me would completely deflate me. But, even in those fear-based scenarios, I would still get information! Ultimately it’s a win, and only by getting over myself and just starting the dang thing would I be able to get that information and grow from it.
So, here I am! Open and willing to gain so much growth and learning (and fall a few times along the way). I’m happy to have you.
Stay tuned for my first “real” post. I’ll be talking about my process of getting off of birth control (because everything is a process for me, see above 😂). Why I initially got on birth control, what stirred me to start doing research about getting off, research I did and books I read, and what made me take the leap.